Words cannot express the pain when your heart is crushed :)

Taktahulah, awak nk cover je ke ape ke,
Still, the fact remains same.

Sy bukan awk punye dah, awk pon bukan sy punye dah.

End.

Supposedly insignificant. Supposedly secure.

I used to not care. And suddenly, every damn single thing you do is significant.
Wtf is wrong with me ?

So I had talkdown with myself. I'm letting go.
My therapy : Something wrong - Pain - Breathe in, Breathe out - Patience - Fake a smile

If it's not meant to be, then the world is waiting, right ?

Just so you know, it doesnt mean i stopped loving you.
It means, I love you so much, and thanks to that, I've finally started to love myself.

Breathe.

He Is We - Skip To The Good Part :D

 #SkipToTheGoodPart EP releasing on Dec 20th :)

I never thought I'd find the hands to hold my heart
Whaddya know? We'll skip to the good part
Where we are here and now
What's to come, oh butterflies
I hope these words will give you something to hold onto

I give you my love, I give you my heart
Let's skip to the good part
'I do' and a kiss and forever starts
Let's skip to the good part,
I'm so ready, I'm so ready, I'm so ready
Let's skip to the good part

With a kiss, the eyes have gotten everyone say this
"you're my all", cliches I thought I'd
I fall so hard so fast
Based on my past, first love and last
Ring slips on, my eyes are on you

I give you my love, I give you my heart
Let's skip to the good part
'I do' and a kiss and forever starts
Let's skip to the good part,
I'm so ready, I'm so ready, I'm so ready
Let's skip to the good part

It hurt when my heart broke for the first time
Kinda shocked that I'm alright
Made you mine now it's time to realize
That I'm never going back, no I'm never going back
To the girl that lacked faith in romance
I'm done let's dance
Keep it up- take a chance
I'm yours
I'm all yours

I give you my love, I give you my heart
Let's skip to the good part
'I do' and a kiss and forever starts
Let's skip to the good part,
I'm so ready, I'm so ready, I'm so ready
Let's skip to the good part

Take my hand and lets get away from this place
Your face is the only thing that I need to be truly happy x3
I'm so ready
I'm so ready

Oh, I'll Be The One Who'll Break My Heart

Howdy partners :D

So i havent written in a while now. If there's anyone out there reading, my apologies to you. #ceywahbajethawtlak. hehe Joke Joke. I knoww, i sound like a snob. heee

I am currently writing - typing ? - on my sis's bed in our new house. At.. umm Pantai Tok Jembal.
Err, i dont know our address yet. Haha wasnt very much up to knowing everything about this place. I moved here kicking and screaming. Ok not literally. -__-

Anywhoo, I still havent warmed up to the idea of living here. I mean, come onnn, it's a half an hour to the town. And i'm so far from my favourite beach. :(  The beach here is pretty, yes. But in the evening, it is swarmed with people from the nearby university - UMT (i wont bother trying to remember what it stands for, im pretty sure it's simple but i just couldnt be bothered) - and believe me, i dont know them, or have seen their faces, but i hate their guts out. hahaha hater alert.
Sorry, shouldnt hate all of them, i know. But the fact that some of them act like the road is theirs just pisses me off. I mean, they're literally walking right in the middle of the road in groups of threes or more. I'll be like driving and just barely stopping myself from sounding the honk and get the pleasure of giving the death stare at their shocked faces.
Everytime I have to use that road, I'll be grumbling to myself.
Ex ;
"OMG get out of the -tuuuttt- way ! Who the -tuuuttt- do they think they are ?"
"Kalau aku langgar korang, korang yg jadi orang penyet. Aku naek Triton, kete aku besoorrr."
"Aku langgar kang kau, lenggang2 depan aku. Ape tengok2 ? Igt pmpuan dok reti bwk kete besor ke haa ?"

And more.

Hehe. I have quite a temper nowadays. Heeheee -__-

Ok enough crapping about people who think they're bigger than my ride. HAHA #biatchalert

The wind here is super strong and cold. I mean i literally have to put on my sweater in the morning and night if i need to go out.
It's so dark, because my area doesnt have street lights yet.
It's quiet because in the row my house is, there's only 3 house with life in it. Andd, the house behind and next to my house are empty. -_-
What's worse, there are 'anjing hutan' around here. - I dont know about you, but a wolf's image comes to my mind when i hear that word. HAHA

Okay i have ranted enough. More crap coming soon :D

To Be Juliet's Secret - Only If You Will Too

If the stars're mine I'd trade them all all for a smile,
cause nothing lights me up at night like you.
And I was just thinking that maybe you could stay a while to kill the time.
A second thought let's just make tonight as if it were our last,
because this time between has been killing me so well,
and I might not make it out next time.

I never thought that you could catch me,
so well by only singing verse one.
And I found myself humming along,
as you scream the chorus my way.
By the time the bridge comes along
I swear, I'll know where we're going

Into the outro I'll hold you so tight,
while we finish the sing along.
But you're notes will take the both of us
because without, neither could carry a tune.

You lean in close to whisper,
that when I'm done to let people pass by.
But baby I never planned to ever stop singing for you.
And if this night would let us, it would never end.

If you promise that you'll never stop singing the chorus,
then I promise we can leave the breakdown out. (x2)

If you promise that you'll never stop singing the chorus,
(If the stars are mine I'd trade them all)
rhen I promise we can leave the breakdown out.
(cause nothing lights me up like you.)
If you promise that you'll never stop singing the chorus,
(And maybe you could stay just a little longer)
then I promise we can leave the breakdown out.
(Then maybe tonight would be the best we've ever dreamed)

If you promise we can make tonight the best we've ever dreamed,
then I promise we can make tonight the best we've ever dreamed.
The best we've ever dreamed.
The best we've ever dreamed.

Everything You Do - HeisWe

Tga sekaipp ngn awak, tga gelak2, while missing you so muchh, lagu ni lak on playlist. hehe :) enjoy loves, ringtone lame sy, rase mcm nk buat balik.  #orgsuketukarringtonedueempatkalisebulan  ;D

Everything You Do - He Is We

Do do do do do do do do do (3x)

Let me introduce myself,
I’m all smiles.
You may know me as a former ‘most love only last a while.’
Pessimistic, so realistic,
You get the picture.
I met you now my world is so much bigger.

Upside down, off the ground is what you do.

When you touch me, it’s like the very first time.
I’m so lucky, to say that you’re mine.
I still get those stupid butterflies,
But it’s just what you do,
I’m loving everything you do.

Do do do do do do do do do.


Crazy how it happened so fast,
Truly blows my mind.
Going on a hunt for four leaf clovers,
To wake up to that smile each sunrise.

Whenever I’m not by your side,
I get home sick.
A little pathetic, with a dash of ooey gooey so romantic.

Upside down off the ground, God I love you.
upside down off the ground is what you do.

When you touch me, it’s like the very first time.
I’m so lucky, to say that you’re mine.
I still get those stupid butterflies,
but it’s just what you do.
I’m loving everything you do.

Do do do do do do do do do.

I’m loving everything you do.
Do do do do do do do do do.

Yes sir you came and you took my breath,
My head is feeling a little light.
All right, I hope that you feel it too.
Yes sir you came and you took my breath,
My head is feeling a little light.
All right, I hope that you feel it too.
Oh everything you do.

I still get those stupid butterflies,
But it’s just what you do.
Do do do do do do do do do.

When you touch me, it’s like the very first time.
And I’m so lucky, to say that you’re mine.

I still get those stupid butterflies,
But it’s just what you do.
I’m loving everything you do.

Everything you do,
Everything you do.


I’m loving every single thing you do,
I’m so in love with everything you do.
Do do do do do do do do do.

Finding The Right Note

Maybe some of you know, maybe some of you dont.
I play the piano, and have long since given up the thought of dreaming about getting a diploma for that.
But it's still a fantastic skill and hobby.  - kay im starting to sound like a promoter or sumtin'.
So i have always find notes on my own (by hearing) of any songs that i think would sound pretty good on the piano.
My project for this few days. He is We ; My Forever album

The songs i've already completed :

All About Us
Prove You Wrong
A Mess It Grows
And Run

Ongoing process :  Give It All

Aim : I Wouldnt Mind , Happily Ever After. Everything You Do

And then.. maybe continue my stopped-effort at Taylor Swift's Speak Now album.
Taylor Swift's on the piano is a pleasure to play. I get the notes pretty much right away :)

My sister's request : 
Just A Kiss - Lady Antebellum ( done ) , Someone Like You - Adele ( working on it soon )

I suppose that's all.
I dont record myself playing and post on YouTube or sumtin'. It's just, i dont know, for my own pleasure i guess. :)

Frustration.

A lot of things are getting on my nerves right now.

Please. Just. Please.
My patience is nearing its limit.

The Pact

If i were a character in the novel The Pact by Jodi Picoult, i'd be concluded as a person who is prone to be suicidal.
But i'm not.
And i am a Muslim.
Lord, protect me.

Ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangat dan tabahkan hati hambaMu ini.
Ameen.

GuguGaga Over You !

my previous love affair was Danny Donoghue - the script.

i had been crushing over him since, forever ! and then life happened, and i moved on to another, until lastyear's science&faith album was released, and again, i fell in a love ;D

but, again. i have moved on. and this and that gorgeous guy appeared.
I have moved on to a character you might be surprised with.

Callan McAuliffe :DDDDD


















Why, you ask me ?
I had just managed to watch Flipped (2010) and he is justt, drop-dead-gorgeous and so cuteee !
* i have like a soft spot for cute guys ;) #pfftt

In Flipped, he played a character ( Bryce Loski ) a Junior High boy in a 90's set up.
So yeahh, the 90's fashion and all.
But he is so adorable in that fashion that i couldnt help but fall in love with his hairdo and eyes, and smile. Hey, you aint the only one who's flipped.

Yes, my mood right now is scary. Haha ;)














when he tried to win Julie's heart back :)

I love love lovee this smile. I mean, come onn !! #drools

Unfortunately for me, this Callan is 16 this year ! :(( sucks being old. >.<
#sidemessage - did you recognized him before i told you he was in Flipped (seeing as it's not so famous ) ? He was also Sam in I Am Number Four ;) - as that's more famous, what with Alex Pettyfer and Diana Argon in it ;)
okeyy, that's all :)

Awakk, awak nak tahu tak ?

Awakk, awak nak tahu tak ?
Dulu sy suka awak sangat2.
Tapi, sy tak suka awak dah.

Awakk, awak nak tahu tak ?
Awak buat sy senyum, ketawa, happy.
Happy sgt. Sbb, yelahh, takkan tak happy kalau dah senyum, ketawa kann ? x)
Lagi2, senyum sy yg ni, bukan fake. Bukan dipaksa ketawanya. *fuyoo -__-
Sy bersyukur dgn apa sy ada.
Awak buat sy merajuk, nanges, marah.
Marah sbb sy biar diri sy berharap. Marah sbb awak boleh buat sy cmtu.
Marah sbb sy tetap ampunkan awak. Wah mcm anak raja main ampun2 -__-

Awakk, awak nak tahu tak ?
Sy ni teruk sgt. Sy ni jahat, kejam.
Dulu, sy immature. Ehh, apa lak masa tu. Skrg pun ehh. -______- *nanges kekesalan.
Sy ni, penipu. Kadang2, sy tipu diri sy sendiri.
Tapi, sy taknak tipu awak.

Awakk, awak nak tahu tak ?
Sy ni tak betul.
Bila marah, nanges smua tuu, sy kate sy penat.
Dah tak sanggup.
Tapi kan, sy boleh tahan lagi. Sy kan kuat.  *nnti complain sorg2, kate 'dah penat' lagi T.T

Awakk, awak nak tahu tak ?
Sy ni bengong jugak.
Kadang2, saja cari pasal, nak dapat reaction dari awak.
Tapi yg duk nanges smpi tido tu sy jugakk -___- *ketuk kepala sendiri >.<

Awakk, awak nak tahu tak ?
At first, sbb sy nk tulis ni dalam BM, nak biar die cam, jiwang siket kot ?  - siket hang cakapp ??
Ni pon dah cukup jiwang -__-  *tk pandai nk shweet2 dlm bm
*fail as a Malay. heish ptot dibuang negeri ni. Ampun ampun.

Awakk, awak nak tahu tak ?
Sy tulis ni berbaris2, separuh harap awak bace, separuh lagi, harap gile gile awak takkan bace.
And, sy tahu awak takkannye. Kan ?  *if he reads this, i'll go hide my face for months >.<
Awak nak tahu tak ?
Sy tulis ape sy rasa, tak ckp kat awk. Tp ckp kat dunia.  *igt blog hang ade org bace kee ? -___-
Sbb sy tak pandai nk ckp kat awak. Sy suka sy boleh selamba je ngn awak :)

Awakk, awak nak tahu tak ?
Tadi, sy ckp sy tak suka awak dah.
Sy ckp terus terang. Betul. Sy tak tipu.
Sy tak suka awak dah.
Sy mintak maaf.

Sy sayang awak.

It Wears Me Out

Please dont remind me.

I mess up a lot.

I dont believe in a lot of things. Paranoid, perhaps.

Sometimes i feel like i'm invisible.
But when i'm in someone's attention, i want them to not see me. Because they can't, really.

I'm tired.
I'm wary.

I'm in the wrong place.
But, what's the right place ?

I can take on only so much hurt.
But I can't bear the pain of losing. .

I have a mask on.
But who doesn't ?

I'm drowning, falling, waiting.

Waiting ?
For what ?

I don't know.
I really don't.

To Not Let Go

I love giving titles to what i write. It gives me pleasure, though sometimes you could see that it has no connection whatsoever to what i wrote. But here's a secret. it has a connection, you just couldnt see it like i do ;) 
But tonight, maybe due to my feeling so solemn right now, i cant find the right one to give before i started writing whatever words that go through my silly little mind.


So here goes.

That day,
it was.. i dont know how to put it to words.
Painful ?
Heartbreaking ?
Wonderful ?
Lovely ?

It was everything i suppose.
You cant feel happy if you dont know what sad is.
You cant understand how wonderful a smile is if you dont know how terrible you feel when you cry.
You cant feel love, if you cant feel pain.


Yesterday shook me, scarred me, frightened me.
I wanted you to hurt like i hurt.
I wanted you to cry like i cried.
I wanted you to be mad like i was too.
My heart broke.
Perhaps because i had trusted that you could never hurt me that way.
So perhaps that's why.
Like something out of a book right ?
Everyone says, life isnt a storybook or a movie.
If it is as such, then those creators not only created a whole new world, but created feelings too ?
So, no. Such feelings exist.


I dont know about you.
But i love you. So much, it hurts.

We've both said words that cut us up.
But we've both tried words that could heal each other too.
It feels weird, for me.
That for you, i wanted this to go away.

When you love someone so much, no matter what is thrown at you, bury you, you'll claw your way out.
To make it work.
To not fall apart.
To still be able to be with each other.
To not let go of you.


So i guess i've thought of a title after all, right ?

Had I Known.

I've expected myself to crumple like this.
To hurt so badly, that feeling anything else, is out of the question.
That cut,
it's so deep, almost, impossible to heal.

And had i known,
I would have screamed, yelled, cursed myself, when i was falling for you, hard.
I would have looked away whenever i see you smile, because i fell for that first.
I would have said to you, you lie.

Then again, maybe you didnt.
Maybe you meant every word, but how could both of us know,
what fate has lying for us.
How could both of us know, that you could change.
Or maybe, that i could change ?

So i suppose, thanks, for letting me love you.

I am now,
Going to save, whatever is left of my dignity.

If You Ever Come Back - The Script

If you're standing with your suitcase
But you can't step on the train
Everything's the way that you left it I still haven't slept yet

And if you're covering your face now
But you just can't hide the pain
Still setting two plates on the counter but eating without ya

If the truth is you're a liar
When you say that you're okay
I'm sleeping on your side of the bed going out of my head now

And if you're out there trying to move on
But something pulls you back again
I'm sitting here trying to persuade you like you're in the same room

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind

I'll leave the door on the latch
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now
Oh if you ever come back, if you ever come back

Now they say I'm wasting my time
Cause you're never coming home
But they used to say the world was flat but how wrong was that now

And by leaving my door open
I'm risking everything I own
There's nothing I can lose in the break in that you haven't taken

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind

I'll leave the door on the latch
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now
Oh if you ever come back, if you ever come back

If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss
I know you're out there somewhere, so just remember this
If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss
Oh just remember this, oh just remember this

I'll leave the door on the latch
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now
Oh if you ever come back, if you ever come back now

And it will be just like you were never gone
And it will be just like you were never gone
And it will be just like you were never gone
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now

20th October

Emm. I'm not good at this. I'm not good at lowering my guard down, and let you know just how much you mean to me. How excited and happy i am with you. ;) Because believe me, it's a hell a lot more than i let you know.
But, i'd just hurt if you dont believe i love you.
So here goes, - you came up with this. apelah awk ni :)

Happy 1 Year :)

you're my hero,
my prince,
my superman,
my cookiemonster :)
you're my favourite person. 
you're mine ;) 
and i wish, hope, pray that this is the first of many more years.

iloveyouwanmohdhaziq :)

Dinosawrrr

I am in serious need of a new phone. Mine keeps failing me.
It suddenly go blank, and you cant get it to work. I had to take the battery out and switch it on again. And the worse part ? It still go hang, and i have to wait like, an hour for it to work again. - And throughout the waiting, it works, like it alerts me with messages, or when someone calls. but i'll be like hitting the buttons repeatedly to read, or answer the call, AND NOTHING HAPPENS. -___-

So yeah, I need a new phone. Time to save up. --- ugh. seriously.

Soo, i havent exactly wrote - typed - anything worth reading for a while. then again, i never do. HA HA.
See, i've been home for nearly a month now.
And dont get me wrong, i love home. My room, my bed, my privacy, my freedom, my nothing-to-study, my huggy toys and pillows that surround me when i sleep (i feel safe with all these around me. that's why i dont sleep so nice and snug at college).
But you see, home is home. It's like, the after-SPM all over again.
My parents nagging at me for being asleep half a day, and me wanting to go out with my friends a lot, but they wont let me.
Me online 24/7.
Me getting close to being suicidal due to boredom.
Haha.
So what keeps me happy ?
Getting to be online. Munching in front of the TV with only my shorts and sleeveless tee on (you cant dress like this at UIA. even if you're in your room. but i wear shorts anyway. F them rules !) . Drive the car. Meet my friends. Meet you :)
But see, it's bloody same schedule everyday. T.T
I'm always waiting for something to happen. Someone to ask me out, - if i'm allowed to go out that is -__-

So what's a girl like me get to do around here ? Ideas ? Yeahh, F this.

It's Still My Kampung :)

abah just got home few hours ago.
he confirmed my fears.
by december, this home of mine, for nearly nine years, will have to be cleared.
goodbye house, iloveyou. you've seen my falls, my tears, my laughs, my leaps.
you've seen me grow, from an immature little girl, to the person who i am, no longer always needing the safety and comfort from you.
i remember when your narrow corridors make me suffocate,
i had loved lying down in the middle of you.
now we're going to leave you.
bye bye house.

it's not really goodbye terengganu :) ill still be around next year.
but you'll no longer be my official home. :(
ill miss the beach, the easy roads, the shortcuts i know like the back of my hand.

haha. imma saying goodbye to everything :')

Hurdles.

distance makes the heart grows fonder ?
i dont know.
it kinda kills.
we're struggling, but we survived.
but how long ?
it's gonna be tougher now.
it's time for me to start inching back to my comfort zone, safe zone.
and hope that whatever happens between us,
doesnt crush me til i can hardly piece myself back.

Heart Vacancy - The Wanted

I hear your heart, cry for love.
But you won’t let me make it right.
You were hurt, but I decided,
That you were worth the fight
Every night, you lock up.
You won’t let me come inside.
But the look, in your eyes.
Says that I could turn the tide.

In your heart, in your heart, in your heart.
I can tell you can fit one more.
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart.
I don’t care who was there before.

I, hear your heart cry for love,
Then you act like there’s no room,
Room for me, or anyone.
Don’t disturb is all I see.
Close the door, turn the key.
On everything that we could be.
If loneliness would move out,
I’d fill the vacancy.
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart,
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart.

This ain’t the Heartbreak Hotel,
Even though I know it well.
Those no shows, they sure tell,
In the way you hold yourself.

Don’t you fret, should you get,
Another cancellation.
Give me a chance I’d make a,
Permanent reservation.
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart,
I can tell you can fit one more.
Open up make a brand new start,
I don’t care who’s stayed before.

I hear your heart call for love,
Then you act like there’s no room.
Room for me, or anyone,
“Don’t disturb” is all I see.
Close the door, turn the key,
On everything that we could be.
If loneliness would move out,
I’d fill the vacancy.
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart,
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart.

When I, talk to you, on the phone,
Listen close.

I hear your heart call for love,
Then you act like there’s no room.
Room for me, or anyone,
“Don’t disturb” is all I see.
Close the door, turn the key,
On everything that we could be.
If loneliness would move out,
I’d fill the vacancy.
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart,
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart.

Prove You Wrong - He Is We

You’re the boy with a real nice smile,
But a broken heart inside.
Give it to a girl, gave it to a girl,
And I think she lost her mind.

Are you giving up and done?
Are you through with all this?
Are you tired of the pain?
Torn to pieces.

Can you let me try?
Tell me it’s all right,
Just for one night.
Show you how to feel like,
What it feels like.
To be hugged, to be kissed.
Yes I can be that part of you.
I’ll try my best.

I’m the girl, I can make you smile,
And I promise to be true.
Give it all,
Give until there’s nothing left to lose.
Don’t say you’re giving up and done,
That you’re through with all this.
Yeah you’re tired of the pain,
Torn to pieces.

Can you let me try?
Tell me it’s all right,
Just for one night.
Show you how to feel like,
What it feels like.
To be hugged, to be kissed.
Be thought of and to be missed.
I can be that part of you,
Let me be that part of you.

I see that you’re breaking,
Your heart is breaking.
Here’s my hand if you’ll take it,
We can make it out,
Of all this mess.
No more stress.
I can be that part of you
I’ll try my best.

Give me your heart,
I don’t want a piece or a part,
I want it all.
I want you to fall,
Just a little bit.

Take that leap of faith,
If you want to,
Don’t let that broken heart haunt you.

Can you let me try?
Tell me it’s all right.
Just for one night,
Show you how to feel like.
What it feels like,
To be hugged, to be kissed.
Be thought of and to be missed.
I can be that part of you,
Let me be that part of you.

I see that you’re breaking,
Your heart is breaking.
Here’s my hand if you’ll take it,
We can make it out,
Of all this mess.
No more stress.
I can be that part of you,
I’ll try my best.

Oh-Oh.
Try my best.
(We can make it out of this mess,
No more stress.)
I can be that part of you,
I’ll try my best.

you, ill try my best :)

I'm Your Weird Bumbumm

i know with every ounce of feeling in myself,
that if i lose him,
i'd be so broken, it's almost impossible to piece myself together again.

i've given you my heart.
it was not easy.
i've never done that before, so willingly entrust my heart, to someone.
it's been jabbed at, clawed at, hit, so it cracked.
but in your hands now,
you could break it, smash it into little pieces til i can hardly breath.

but, i'm freeing myself of this. - so ive told myself so many times.

iloveyou, wanmohdhaziq.

Vacant Heart

i'm sorry, you.
it's not that easy you know, to do what you ask of me.
i was always doing what i want, friends with who i want.

i knew him before you matter.
he was my bestfriend.
it's not easy,
to just delete him from my life.

but you, matter the most.
i'm trying, i'm trying real hard to cope.
because, at the end of the day,
it's only you i think about.
you matter the most.
no matter what.

End of Finals

Ganu,
i'm coming home.
Did you miss me like i missed you ?

;)

Emm.
I was killing time, reading all my past posts.
It's funny. Those posts.
I was kinda liking some other person. But i really didnt. Remember how people say, a girl and a guy can't be best friends ? Someone must feel something for the other ?
So it's pretty much like that.
But i'm glad whatever happened, happened.
While i was realizing i never felt the same way about him like he did about me, i fell in love with you. :)

Think, love.

We all want someone to talk with

We all want someone to say we're beautiful

We all want someone to laugh with

We all want someone to wipe our tears

We all want someone to fall in love with

We all want someone to love us back

We all want Someone.

.

what happened ?

I Broke Down Yesterday.
Sometimes My Strength Wavers.

That Feeling.

have you ever felt that feeling ? the one where just a few little things go wrong, you just couldnt understand how it upsets you so much. and you realized, it's an old wound, reopened, hurting again.

and you feel like, there's no chance of healing. you're broken.
if you're hurting this much, it cant possibly heal, right ?

you're tired of tears. they dont make the pain and sadness go away.
so you accept it.
the sadness is always in you.
the wound is always there.
you just have to walk on, strong.
the world doesnt know, nor do they understand.

fake a smile, love, they'll think you're okay. then they'll leave you alone.

isnt that what you want ?

.

Ana Taa'bi

i feel like cursing. should i ? could i ?
i'm about to say a very bad word,
to blow of steam, to lighten the tension.
pardon my french really, this is not for the eyes for little kids who think silly is a bad word.
i'm gonna say it.
it's coming out, no stopping now.
i've warned youuuu....
....
........

!!!!!

GUTS

gutsgutsgutsgutsgutsguts

GUTSSS !!

okeh, i've let it out. i'm sorry, i'm just so stressed, i dont usually use such vile language.


inspired by ; ramona and beezus :)

The World Aint Round

so i was thinking of talking about my BTQ paper which i just sat for at 9am just now.
but then, it's the past, so why look back ? ;)
let's talk futuristic linguistic automatic estatic and yada yada laticcc :p
tomorrow's Arab. dont get me wrong, yeah it's freaking fun to learn someone else's language.
and actually as a Muslim, i should get a kick out of learning it *so people here says - wadda ?

of course they're all, it's a good language, we should learn it and all. i wonder when they were just beginners like me, do they get stressed out and irked when people use all those positive mojo on you to keep you in the game.
i mean, give a girl a break.
you practically forced this  upon her, and expect her to excel in it. i knoww that we're supposed to accept.
but for someone who's always been the one to accept whatever shit that has been thrown at me,
dont you think that at one time, i might just throw everything back ?

Envying other peoples' lives.
envy ?
to hell with this.

I think she's a capital B with an itch ;)

argh.
i sound so petty and annoying when i'm jealous. and, i never used to feel this.
jealous ? danggg, what happened to me ? -__-
i was the person who couldnt care less if he has anything to do with any other girl.
i was the who had always felt safe and secure and confident.
now i'm turning into someone who i used to think silly.
Silly Girl, why are you jealous ?
uhh, because i know,
that i'm not pretty enough for anyone to glance a second time. *just a phrase, not that i want to, i get so self-conscious.
i know that i'm not smart, nor witty nor interesting enough for you to effortlessly keep your attention to me.
i know that i can really get on your nerves with my temper and my sudden hyperness.
i know that,
i'm pretty much a person who should not have ended up with you - what with the tons more girls better than me.

so i get jealous.

Jealous.

because,

I'm So Scared Of Losing You

The Crude Truth

so i used to have fridays as weekends, this should be normal for me, but noo. im so freaking psyched having friday off.
yeah you could say i miss my schooling schedule ;)


so it's Malaysia Day !
  you know, ive always like, have this thing against having two days for Malaysia, i mean like, pick one, people, and be happy with it. 
having 2 days ? 31st Aug and 16th Sept ? settle for the real one wouldya ?
but you cant rewrite history, it's done.
thus my disagreement with the fact why people are suddenly so intent with rewriting the history all of a sudden.
i mean like, seriously ? 
just don't freaking make the past an issue. can't you see what's in front of your eyes ? the present, the future ?
why look back ?

so.. sure, there are those people with their conspiracy theories and everything.
my problem would be, is that when one speaks their mind in this country,
there's a sudden uproar, and the person is a bad human.
but how is it. that those higher up people get to speak ?
what's their specialty ?
their power ? they can't turn people into stone can't they ? they're flesh and blood like everyone else right ?
sometimes i think those high and mighty adults' brains are worse than us who sometimes an be pretty immature.

why cant people just get along and sing happy songs together ?
because they think that the world evolves around them, and they seek power.

the simple, cruel reason.

 i know the answer, but it's so hard to grip. people can be as cruel as animals.

you know how there's to be only one stallion in a herd ? and if another wants to take over, they'd fight till one loses ?
if the former leader dies, the younger stallion gets the herd.
if the younger one dies, the older one gets to keep his mares, and the other herd as well.
and the mares, colts and fillies have no choice, but to follow.


humans arent so different than animals now, arent they ?

Can I Stop Caring ?

sometimes i want to just breakdown and curse at you and cry.
but i wont.
not because im immature.
it's because im afraid i wont stop crying.
and the hurt might just feel worse.
so i just,
pretend that everything's okay.

the little things you do to me.

So back up back up take another chance
Don’t you mess up mess up I don’t wanna lose you
Wake up wake up

This aint just a thing that you give up give up

Don’t you say that I’d be
Better off better off, sleepin by myself and wonderin
If im better off better off, without you boy

So don't just leave me hanging on

Watch Your Step.

why ifa why ?
cant you think twice before typing something on fb ?
cant you see that something in that sentence would just create more problems ?
and now, you're stuck in this situation. sucks, doesnt it ?

dear you,
i keep wondering how you bear with me. because it's oh-so-clear,
i dont deserve you. :(

case of too much ketupat.

ifa tak wish lagi kan ?
eh ke dah ? takpe lah pon. nk wish skali lagi :D

SELAMAT HARI RAYE !

Ampun maaf dipinta atas segale dose, slah silap ifa kat smue.

Halalkan makan minum ifa, perkataan ifa, klu ade trase hati, maafkn ifa.

mybe sgje,

terlalu ikutkn hati, jadi gitulahh.

Em, berseronoklah beraye, jgn lupe dunie lah ;)

why wait ?

if you're already planning to not stick around,

leave me now,

so i wont keep on hoping you'll still be there.

let's play pretend.

when i was little, it was so easy to play pretend.
i'd just close my eyes, and i'll be a warrior princess on a dark horse with glowing eyes and blazing mane, battling a dark scaled dragon which breaths green fire.
or i'll be a girl pretending to be the most powerful human in a realm that could be entered only through a mirror with strange designs around it.
it was so easy to pretend.
to escape reality.

what happened to that ?

when i was little, if someone made me sad, i wouldnt think twice about crying.
i would just tell the world that i'm sad, not letting that person off the hook.
i wouldnt feel so hurt inside, i wouldnt have to cross my arms and tighten my grip around myself to stop that unbearable pain in my heart.
i wouldnt have to hold myself so i wouldnt fall apart.

it was so simpler to be happy back then.

what happened to that ?

more importantly, what happened to me ?

when you're so mad that you could cry

There are 4 types of people.
People who get mad easily, but cool off fast.
People who dont get mad easily, but takes a while to cool off.
People who gets mad easily and takes a while to cool off.
and People who dont get mad easily and cools off pretty fast.

I usually fall into the first category.
I get mad so fast you dont have time to spell mad, but after a while im all better.
BUT,
depends what or who im mad at.

what i hate about being mad is that one moment im so bloody mad, the next i feel like bursting into tears - hence the reason why i cool off fast i guess.
sometimes, yeah, i guess i keep the hurt inside so yeahh some people i havent forgiven completely.

but i tire of getting mad.
im tired of the tears.
of the heartache.
so i want to stop.
can i just be like, cold inside or sumtin' ?

cause, i dont know. suddenly im just so tired.

Sumpah, Dryer Blok C is in love with me ;D

everyone's all set and ready to head home tomorrow. oopps, today.
except me.
i havent packed a thing.
ive just started my laundry day which btw, is supposed to be thursday evening, but apparently, people are so jealous of my schedule, they decided to intervene with my divine schedule.
there was a line longer than one that would be infront of the movies when Harry Potter 7 just came out.
see my exaggeration ? that's because im pretty much peeved by having to do laundry in the middle of the night when i should be snug in my bed and typing about some other stuff. ;D
but, i always say everything happens for a reason.
had i been in the mood to follow both my friends to do my laundry a little earlier, the Dryer would still be unable to perform its job.
and i've just gone down a few minutes ago, and guess what, Mr. Dryer's working fiiiinnnneee.
so Sitti and Fira, still dont believe me when i say that the Dryer simply loves me ?
;)

yes, you can make a conclusion that i'm that bored of waiting fr my turn in line that i am actually talking about this on my blog.
pathetic, yes.
but, it's my freaking riding boots ur in buster ;)

what do you think ?

haha not only houses should be given a new look for this raya.
what do you think ? i just wish the background isnt tiled, but if it's not, then it doesnt look so pretty.
hehe.
oke gtg,
Selamat Pulang ke Kampung Semue :)

Read the Sign

This Site is Currently Under Construction :)

you make me laugh, you make me cry.

em first and foremost, hoping that you dont read this. i'd die of shame. haha :p

3days. not whole. not too short. not enough either.
how can it be enough ?
i cant get enough of seeing you smile - at me, for me, with me.
i cant forget the things you say that just make me blush and smile.
i cant believe how head over heels i am still over you.

bet you have no idea how torn inside i felt when i had to watch you leave.
bet you didnt know that was why i turned away before i could see you disappear from my view.
bet you didnt know that the moment you stepped away from me, i already miss you.

and now facing this week is almost unbearable.
i did say almost, right ?
more tearworks than ever been.

impatient :)

dear tomorrow,

please come quick.

im getting fidgety rickety ditty itty bitty.

i bet when you arrive, id be constantly glancing at the watch.

i bet ill be rocking the chair during my last class.

so as much as i love you tomorrow,

i am disheveled by you.

with love,

:)

Bilik 109C :)

i've realized that i havent actually told of the parts that actually made me love this place.
so here goes.
my room !
i have 3 roomates. - sini ade konflik, jgn ditanye.
the two craziest + havoc people i've ever known :

Sitti Nurul Ain Sahidah

Zafira Zainal

haa duorg ne kan,

dalam satu hari tak buat aku gelak kuat2 smpi saket perot,

tak sah hidop ! xD

masing2 slalu ade jee nk jodohkan each other ngn org ne la, tu lah.

si makcik fira tuh ngn ustaz arab kesayangan. 

eh tapi ade one more choice,

abg musa Ain Nanak lol ;D

si SiTTi Ain ne tak boleh blah.

betape ramaaaiiii nye bakal tunang die. HAHA

Mamak bistro lah, Abg Dean lah, Ustaz Amirul lah.

Sape lagi kau nak ea ? x)

nseb ifa selamat bab tu :DDD

 but ! :)

my room is also now an unofficial home for 3 more insane! people !

Anis Artis Anihh

Farah Froggie

Atun Eton KakTonn

nak kate diorg ne waras,

masok bilik ne, maken havoc bilik adelahh ;D

dekat tiap2 malam squatting ( term sini utk crashing at another's room )

hehehh.

naseb korg2 ne best, lau tak hari2 ifa kne halau korg kuar,

ade ke patot ? ifa boleh gelak2 smpi tido skali angkara korg ne ! piiiraaahh ! x)

err.

disebabkan smue budak2 ne loyar burok habesan,

habes famous bilik neh !

paling bising,

paling famous dgn pelawat,

dgn sukaann pakai shorts lagi.

we even received the privileged visit from a fellow. hardcore tak kami ? xD

fikir balek kan,

sbb bnde ne je dah kene chop budak2 bermasalah. syal ah, puihh !

heh screw this. aak ? x)

emm in class ?

well everyone's cool and sporting enough.

but yeahh, a different environment hence me feeling pressured.

makes me feel like me being in the first class when im supposed to be in the last back in my old high school. -_-"

get an idea to it ?

oh well.

im coming to accept this new life. funny, im now a constant rule-breaker though. haha;)

em that's all :)

settle down, heart.

miss you

felt dreadful

gotten used to missing you

doing fine

suddenly

miss you so much now

hurts too much

 heart breaking

but

i love you

so i endure missing you.

Kalau Ade Jodoh, Kite Jupe Lagi :)

to those who watched the movie, or the trailer even, you'd know straight away who said the above title/phrase/dialogue/whateverr.
*comel kan ? ;D

em emm.
im actually trying to delay from completing my ILH workbook. damnnn, if i could get a wish, i'd wish to have laziness removed from my system. :p
anywhoo, what do i want to talk about ?
ditch more about my life here ?
worldwide problems ?
midsemexaminations ?

and there you go, the laziness disease had just engulfed me.
i'll just summarise those questions above with this;

these sucked so damn much.

em emmm. kbaii :p

Missing : Dont Find Me

am i supposed to tell that i've finally feel comfortable in this place ? wait scratch that. this new life.
something in me has broken. i feel so weird. mood swings all the time.
one moment i'm all smiles, next i feel like snapping at the person who irritated me.
what am i supposed to say ? what am i supposed to do ? what am i supposed to feel ?
cause i feel nothing anymore.

the reason why i smile.

wow has it really been that long ?
you are now following an official student of IIUM -___-
everyone says it's the best place to study. and an image quickly forms in a person's mind when a student tells where they're from.
i suppose im not all ready, but who is ?
it's so weird to put on an act, to tell yourself over and over when you wake up in the morning that everything will be alright.
question is, can i do this every single day ? i think the day i crumble is dooming close.
i'd say im fine, but in truth, that's one of the commonest lie aint it ?
Lord, give me courage, show me a sign.
Aameen.

saye tak ikhlas x)

ifa nk ckp ne, smpi ifa dpat laptop, ifa tkkan berblogging fr a damn f-ing longggg time.
eh chopp, evn if ad lptop pon tk sure blogging ke tk. baek delete je kn ?
hahaha.

oh one more,

please realize how much you mean to me.

This Little Light of Mine

no one is sure of their future. yes they plan and swear they wont sway, but no one is positively sure, that they would stumble upon something they just had to stop and stare, gawk, or admire.

no one, i tell you, is sure of what they will become.
all we can do is plan, and hope.

in my part,
i have this vague image in my mind, but i know, that some little details, might not just come through.
it's not called being paranoid,
it's called being realistic.

:)

when the sadness engulfs you

hey everybody ! ;)

yes ive disappeared fr quite a bit now. the more bored i get, the lesser i write. weird, time tga busy2 tuh, nk jee tulis smtg kat blog neh.
em, blogging is slowly dying i think. haha. yelaahh. yg generasi yg suke blogging smue tga busy ngn studies nowadays kot. ;D

anddd speaking of studies, ive now a path that is certainly mine to be taken ahead of me.
UIA - Foundation studies. in PJ ! and hopefully stays in PJ -_-"

thoughts ?
erh im freaking out here !!
hello ?! UIA ? not my style ! but hell, it's the place that i need to be according to the freaking course i want.
hahaha !!
weird. imagine me. being this 'alim' type. aaaaa im gonna be one of those jellyfishes ive made fun of last time. huh, serves you right ifa, tulahh. gelak ke org lgi. -_-"

im sadd that my bestIESTS of friends are not as close as i hoped to be. oh well. ttap akan rindu korg ! love you all, hopefully we all are always together at heart :)
feels funny doesnt it ? it feels like just yesterday we were all sitting next to each other nodding off our heads in history class or laughing at our teacher said.
gawd, ill miss all those times. sometimes, i dont ever wanna grow up. i wanna stay like this. at that moment. :')

forever and ever, our hearts will be missing those times. it will slowly dim, but it's still there.
till next time folks, ill write my last post before entering uia, then, id probably write even less.

iloveyou, you know ? and i wish my happy ending is already written and secure. one that has you in it. :)

nothing i say feels..right.

upu result ! i got uia, law, what i wanted.
now, this sick lil poison is spreading in me, can i do it ? what if i sucked ? i didnt want this at first. what if i just totally zonked out ?
what if, what if.
Lord, give Your humble servant some courage, faith and strength.

next;
i just want a time to myself, i mean, even with good news, some other dark matter was shoved into my face.
i dont want to care, it's not my problem. what the hell is going on in here ? T.T

more;

i am sadd, because we are separated. tak bessnyee timahh sy dh tk same kelas ngn sy.
i feel kinda lost i guess.
pstu, awk pon jaoh :(

where'd all the love and smiles go ?

do you know,

you're the main reason for my smile :)

please dont be in love with someone else.

emmm, havent babbled fr a quite a while now. i used to go on and on about crap, dont i ? ;)

frstly, apologies, havent introduced the song i posted earlier properly.
that would be He is We - All About Us.
andd, i love it, besides the fact it's a very sweet song and the vocals just wow me, because well, of you. :D


so hows life ?
boringg. even with a drivers license, i have nowhere to go. well hell, i live in small k.trganu. ;p
em now the one thing im looking forward to would be the class party.
oh please pleasee no complications ! ;) i mean, come onnn, i miss all of them weyhh !
ok next,
a lot of movies im wanting to watch.
but somehow, i cant download any. eishhh -___- annoying you know.


em what else ?
oke i have let myself fall so hard. i doubt that it'll be an easy peasy thing to get up again, if anything happens.
i cant help it, it's just everything about you :)
but i still worry. im super paranoid, sorry.
and, well.
im the kind of person that when something impossibly good happens, i am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. :(


okeyh, that's all i suppose.


title ; a line in taylor swift's enchanted :)

He Is We ft. Aaron Gillespie

Take my hand, I’ll teach you to dance.
I’ll spin you around, won’t let you fall down.
Would you let me lead, you can step on my feet.
Give it a try, it’ll be alright.

The room’s hush, hush,
And now’s our moment.
Take it in feel it all and hold it.
Eyes on you, eyes on me.
We’re doing this right.

Cause lovers dance when they’re feeling in love.
Spotlight shinning, it’s all about us.
It’s oh, oh, all,
About uh, uh, us.
And every heart in the room will melt,
This is a feeling I’ve never felt but,
It’s oh, oh, all about us.

Suddenly, I’m feeling brave.
Don’t know what’s got into me,
Why I feel this way.
Can we dance, real slow?
Can I hold you, real close?

The room’s hush, hush,
And now’s our moment.
Take it in feel it all and hold it.
Eyes on you, eyes on me.
We’re doing this right.

Cause lovers dance when they’re feeling in love.
Spotlight shinning, it’s all about us.
It’s oh, oh, all,
About uh, uh, us.
And every heart in the room will melt,
This is a feeling I’ve never felt but,
It’s oh, oh, all about us.

Do you hear that love?
They’re playing our song.
Do you think we’re ready?
Oh I’m really feeling it.
Do you hear that love?
Do you hear that love?

Do you hear that love?
They’re playing our song.
Do you think we’re ready yet?
Love I’m really feeling it.
Do you hear that love?
Do you hear that love?

Do you hear that love?
They’re playing our song.
Do you think we’re ready yet?
Love I’m really feeling it.
Do you hear that love?
Do you hear that love?

Lovers dance when they’re feeling in love.
Spotlight shinning, it’s all about us.
It’s all, all, all, all.
Every heart in the room will melt,
This is a feeling I’ve never felt,
But it’s all about us.

Cause lovers dance when they’re feeling in love.
Spotlight shinning, it’s all about us.
It’s oh, oh.
(hey-ey hey)
And every heart in the room will melt,
This is a feeling I’ve never felt but,
It’s oh, oh, all,
It’s all about us.

everytime, i think of you :)

Al-Fatihah.. :(

ifa ingat dulu mase form 1, ifa tegur arwah izzi, ifa cakap kat dye, kakak ifa pon ifa panggil izy, same la kan ? arwah senyum je, ejaan laen lah.


you were one of the kindest friend i knew.
i remember a couple of times i'd be at the piano while you were playing the drums. then, you were already amazing.
my regret was thinking that with all the time we've got, there would sure be a time where i'll be able to meet you, apologize and talk again after 3 years of not meeting.


losing a friend, close or not, it hurts, because you know that there was that time where you shared a joke, where you smiled at each other, both shared rage, or pain.


to my friends, be strong.
arwah's family, may God give you strength and peace.


Izzi Hanafi Noordin, you were a great person, and as much as we love you, Allah SWT loves you more.
Al-Fatihah, semoga ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman.

dont answer the phone.

sorry, the person you are calling, is currently unavailable.
please live a message after the tone.


-beeeeppp-


hye, this is my personalized message, ignore the previous one.
i am ifa and i am no answering your call on purpose, that would be because i dont know your number. so if you really do know me, send a text.
i am screening all unknown number calls because of what happened when i answered a phone call at approximiately 6.15pm 19th Apr.
A maniac called me and scared the *beep* out of me.
I now feel insecure, unsafe, and still a little shaky.
It might be nothing to you, but i never, want to have to face that again.
I think that's all.
So, um, leave a message.


-beeeppp-