Red Tears

I suddenly remembered this book i read about three years ago. - above title.
I remembered feeling for the character and being apalled yet strangely intrigued by her self-harm actions when she started feeling terrible pressure.
She was strong and vulnerable at the same time.
The book tells about how the teenage girl tried her best in maintaining to be good at the things she was good at but later fell due to pressure. the pressure came from parents and schoolmates.
She later turned into a girl so different than who she was before.
Recommending and also searching ! :D


Official announcement ;

I no longer own a phone, so further contact will be a little difficult.
I would also deactivate my fb the next time i go online.
I would also ceased blogging.

Well, life sucks when pressure exists.


A penny for you thoughts

i've always wondered why we cry when we feel hurt.
coz it hurts when i cry.

i want to feel nothing and numb please. :(

sorry, this is me, being depressed.

to you ; i needed you just now. :(

why don't you kill me already.

no one has that much patience.
i wish i was numb.
that would mean no anger, and with no anger there shall be no pain, and with no pain, then hurt would not happen.

to be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark.

Behind the scenes.

Outrageous.
How can one not feel crushed after that?
How can one's spirit not feel terribly low?
We tried to stay calm as we slowly involuntarily get involved in this cruel world where dirty politics and bribery rules majestically in a bad way.
I couldn't cry for i felt numb.

We really did our best. Every single one of them did.
I am a total newbie in this crowd, but i have gotten to love and adore them for the way they love and adore each other. Drama is common but so is forgiveness. Music is what unites this crowd as well as love and respect.
Anda semua rock dan best. 
Jangan moral down.
 

SSMB IS the very BEST. 

- Retiring from the crowd, happy but sad, laughing but at the same time grieving. :')

My wish

To have more time.

Addmaths folio - uncomplete
Piano exam - totally not ready - mmg mati ahh klu fail. 500 + flew out the window. -_-"
IU Day - gawd, i am on tcer wan's wanted list. x)

Studies - like hell.

Facebook and wuteva other things that distract me, you are going doowwnnn x)




Being me is crappy, but i love all the moments. - well, not all ;)

Talk to yourself, talk to the tears.

Remind me again why i hate you.
I had went through these old photographs.
I couldn't help feeling sad and wee bit nostalgia when i saw them.
I could not believe how everything turned out this way.
How exciting and comforting those days were. How i hate seeing how close we were.
How painful it feels that all those almost seemed like a lie, a tale told in a book that is now slowly dressed with layers of dust.
I erased the ones i see, but i could not rid of the ones that are vague in memoirs right now.
Only time works as the antidote, or poison for what matters.

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.

Remind me again why i don't like you anymore.
I don't like where i am now.
I don't like feeling that rush of adored old times again.
I don't want to smile when i read a text by you that cracks me up, or when you remember what i told you last time.
I don't like that feeling, that feeling where your chest suddenly feels terribly empty and aches when you appeared because i remembered how you disappeared before.
Why now?
Why when i am at my most vulnerable?
Everything is called were and was for a reason.
I don't like you anymore. So don't remind me why i did.

I could go back to every laugh, but i don't wanna go there anymore.

Remind me again why i like you.
I like that sometimes when i think of you, you were already thinking of me.
I like that you put up with me not putting you first.
I like that you stand my flaws and your patience at not hearing what you hoped i would say.
I like that you actually made me like you, when before this i didn't.
But really, is it enough?

You make it hard to see where i belong to

title from a line in - come in with the rain ; taylor swift

temperament

I wish i could drive. Doesnt matter if i have a license or not. Would make my life a lot better.
And i could avoid being late for band - at least no running was involved x)
I was kinda absent throughout band practice, my mind wandering every minute or so.
I tend to do that when i just had a rough time.
You can say that it's a way of trying to hold myself together.
Of the event this morning, i have to admit it affected me the whole day, that is until i got home and got a nice nap.

So it's just me and Irra now.
It's a drag being in this empty house. And when i'm bored, I'll open the damn refrigerator every 30 minutes or so, hence the weight gain.
A good thing band is a very efficient workout.


I really have got to get my lazy ass to work. I havent done the acceptable amount of homework i received.
And by acceptable i mean little. ;D
Bless the people who have tons of homework and are finishing them.
And by people, i mean my sister, Irra Hazirah.

Anyhow, i'm catching Glee at nine.
So let's grab that BM essay book shall we?


Side orders : Bored without you. x)
sheeshh, even now i'm thinking of food?

Like it's all we have to hold on to.

I'm feeling a little depressed today.
Depression is something hard to avoid if you're called a teenager okaayy..

So,
here's the thing.
it's the freaking holidays, and i freaking didnt feel it, but this is freaking better than school days again.
I dread the day school opens again. I'm not ready, but i know i have to be.
It's already time for the sprint - the full all out sprint begins at 100 days to go - aaa cuakk!!


Okay so today band was,, umm depressing as well? I have to say everyone seems to have the blues today and by that i mean depressed as well. *haha! ter-ingat petang td.

Everyone wasnt the usual hyper oy oy and whatnot.
So, that adds to my cause of depression list.

Next,
I believe my phone will be a little silent for 4 days.
Heheh, enjoy the wilderness you. Be safe, Take care, Watch your step, whatever etc etc.
You know,
She hates that she's missing you already cause this is soo not her.
What's wrong with you girl? Get a grip ! Slap yourself !

I swear, her heart is getting softer now.
That's not a good thing. Right?

 I'm no big fan of the singers, but the song is okay i guess - We'll Be A Dream : Demi Lovato ft. We The Kings.

 

When the lights go out

We'll be safe and sound

We'll take control of the world

Like it's all we have to hold on to

And we'll be a dream

hye, i'm chucky. wanna play?

kayy just remembering the way that doll said that gives me the creeps.
i didnt remember the story well and was curious to watch it just now when it was shown on cinemax.
and then i remembered why in the world i was so damn scared of dolls last time.
why wont that freaking doll just die ?!
i mean the head went off, a leg and an arm was blasted away !
and it still moves??!
i pray to not get nightmares tonight.
and my heart's practically beating as fast as it was when the movie showed the first time that doll moved.
gawd,
I HATE DOLLS because i'm SCARED of them.
particularly dolls like that chucky - big , human size, fake hair, but eyes that look too real or worst, moves. x(

i really really am scared of them you can even call it some kind of phobia.
i dont want to watch that again.

note to self : dont let your curiosity take over you.