Yes I realised that it's been a while. Cant really blame me you see. Cause there's the internet problem, and the lack of free time.. and the laziness... Okay fine. Blame me. It is mainly due to laziness.
What my life has been ?
A swirl and mix of unknown substances.
I felt like I've grown a lot.
And still feel so young and meek and scared of the unknown. The unknown being the world and what it holds for me.
I'm currently waiting for my Sem1 Year1 results.
You have no idea how nerve-racking it is.
I mean. Well. I just have a lot riding on this one.
Let's just say, it made me think so much. Of my future. Of what I'll be. Of who I'll be.
I've lost myself.
And I guess,
I want someone to help me, find me, save me.
I want you.
But I keep feeling like I have to let go.
Thing is.
I dont know if, when I let go, I'll manage to stay afloat.
Or drown.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
I Freaking Take It All Back
Forget you and me.
I've always knew that in the end, there will only be me.
I've always knew that in the end, there will only be me.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Something real, something sweet, something real sweet.
I was, a moment ago, reading some essays as prep for my MUET writing exam on Saturday..
As usual, I got bored, so I wanted to go on Twittah, and got real nice shock when the words on the screen were, "Twitter is currently down."
Hehe.
Hey TwittahManiacs, betcha keep hitting the refresh button ey ?
So I decided to see if my grammar was bad by, well, writing here. Also, by dedicating this post to 3 people who I miss terribly ; Farah . Zafira . Atun .
*it is my utmost regret to inform that they did not blackmail me or use force of any kind so I would write this post.
Okeyy, Farah and Zafira were my roommates last sem and Atun was a regular tenant in our room -__-
hehe.
They're loud, hillarious, crazy.. Eat a lot. HEHE
And, they call me mummy. When, clearly, I'm the youngest XDD
*shoutout : "Yes my dears, korang tige2 tue !"
They were the ones who got me through tough times, guided me, cheered me up, made me go crazy, made me laugh til my stomach hurts, saw me cried, saw me roll on the floor, saw me at my worst, and weirdest.
It's true what people say, a person, cannot be truly, a good friend, if they had never lived with you.
I love them for how they accept I'm awkward and weird, *and nice :DD *buat muke cute
I love them for how they took the time to know me.
For how crazy they can be, and yet appear absolutely normal outside and how they always amuse me.
They've never failed to surprise me, to umm, add stuff to my knowledge -__-
And, the criticism, the insults, the cheeky remarks and comebacks. You wouldnt believe how much O.O
Dearests,
It is embarrassing to be writing such nice stuff about you three ! *Aargh malu gilee nak letak mane muke nanti >.<
And I'm almost positive that when you read this *hoping that the thought of checking my blog crosses your minds a year from now* You'll be laughing. So hard.
I miss your laughter so badly right now :( *nak mengilai pun ngilai lah. Rindu dengar. hahaa
I hope that we'll meet soon. :)
Cannot wait to be studying together again.
I pray that we never grow further apart. That we'll still be sitting around commenting on each others' weight and looks and kids *errr ?* when we're like, 40 or something. Haha.
Kawan sampai Jannah.
InsyaAllah.
Sayang korang :)
As usual, I got bored, so I wanted to go on Twittah, and got real nice shock when the words on the screen were, "Twitter is currently down."
Hehe.
Hey TwittahManiacs, betcha keep hitting the refresh button ey ?
So I decided to see if my grammar was bad by, well, writing here. Also, by dedicating this post to 3 people who I miss terribly ; Farah . Zafira . Atun .
*it is my utmost regret to inform that they did not blackmail me or use force of any kind so I would write this post.
Okeyy, Farah and Zafira were my roommates last sem and Atun was a regular tenant in our room -__-
hehe.
They're loud, hillarious, crazy.. Eat a lot. HEHE
And, they call me mummy. When, clearly, I'm the youngest XDD
*shoutout : "Yes my dears, korang tige2 tue !"
They were the ones who got me through tough times, guided me, cheered me up, made me go crazy, made me laugh til my stomach hurts, saw me cried, saw me roll on the floor, saw me at my worst, and weirdest.
It's true what people say, a person, cannot be truly, a good friend, if they had never lived with you.
I love them for how they accept I'm awkward and weird, *and nice :DD *buat muke cute
I love them for how they took the time to know me.
For how crazy they can be, and yet appear absolutely normal outside and how they always amuse me.
They've never failed to surprise me, to umm, add stuff to my knowledge -__-
And, the criticism, the insults, the cheeky remarks and comebacks. You wouldnt believe how much O.O
Dearests,
It is embarrassing to be writing such nice stuff about you three ! *Aargh malu gilee nak letak mane muke nanti >.<
And I'm almost positive that when you read this *hoping that the thought of checking my blog crosses your minds a year from now* You'll be laughing. So hard.
I miss your laughter so badly right now :( *nak mengilai pun ngilai lah. Rindu dengar. hahaa
I hope that we'll meet soon. :)
Cannot wait to be studying together again.
I pray that we never grow further apart. That we'll still be sitting around commenting on each others' weight and looks and kids *errr ?* when we're like, 40 or something. Haha.
Kawan sampai Jannah.
InsyaAllah.
Sayang korang :)
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
All That I Am Left With
When I learned writing essays and stories last time, my tutors told me to always think of a title.
I resented that.
I have a horrid habit of always running out of topic.
But training me to do so, keeps me in control. Gives me a sense of boundaries I suppose.
I dont write stories and essays anymore.
I write meaningless stuff here though.
And being out of practice, I dont usually have a title ready.
Sometimes, you can see the title seem to not have any connection whatsoever to the content.
Well.
I'm weird like that. -_-
I've scrolled down and read my posts, realizing how silly some of them are.
Seriously.
Coz you see. I dont easily say what I feel. Out loud.
It's like, super hard.
But, I can write about them.
Encrypted with riddles and I always beat around the bush to get to the point, but I get there.
I just, cant say it. Say it to someone.
So I write.
Anywhooo.
I've been feeling like a living dummy. Not that I know what a dummy feels like. Nor a living dummy.
In fact, dummies scare the hell out of me so lets drop this dummy thing.
I've been feeling useless.
Just wake up, send my sis to my teacher's house,
Sleep,
Be a potato couch,
Wait for my sis to come back,
Wait around for a text or bbm all day -__-
Online,
Just looking for some humans to interact with.
Yeah well, you get the idea. -___-
So i'm pretty psyched when i got my offer letter.
Alhamdulillah. :)
But yeah, just seeing, 'Bachelor of Laws' makes me so damn nervous.
I mean, I barely made it through my first sem of CFS. -__-
I'm like a walking time bomb studying this course.
So yeah, I have some serious doubts about really, really, setting this course of my life.
Hmm.
I suppose, it's perfectly natural to feel this way huh ?
I guess all I'm left with,
is to go with the flow.
I'm sure, He already has made the best plan for me.
InsyaAllah :)
Ya Allah, kepadaMu aku berserah. :)
I resented that.
I have a horrid habit of always running out of topic.
But training me to do so, keeps me in control. Gives me a sense of boundaries I suppose.
I dont write stories and essays anymore.
I write meaningless stuff here though.
And being out of practice, I dont usually have a title ready.
Sometimes, you can see the title seem to not have any connection whatsoever to the content.
Well.
I'm weird like that. -_-
I've scrolled down and read my posts, realizing how silly some of them are.
Seriously.
Coz you see. I dont easily say what I feel. Out loud.
It's like, super hard.
But, I can write about them.
Encrypted with riddles and I always beat around the bush to get to the point, but I get there.
I just, cant say it. Say it to someone.
So I write.
Anywhooo.
I've been feeling like a living dummy. Not that I know what a dummy feels like. Nor a living dummy.
In fact, dummies scare the hell out of me so lets drop this dummy thing.
I've been feeling useless.
Just wake up, send my sis to my teacher's house,
Sleep,
Be a potato couch,
Wait for my sis to come back,
Wait around for a text or bbm all day -__-
Online,
Just looking for some humans to interact with.
Yeah well, you get the idea. -___-
So i'm pretty psyched when i got my offer letter.
Alhamdulillah. :)
But yeah, just seeing, 'Bachelor of Laws' makes me so damn nervous.
I mean, I barely made it through my first sem of CFS. -__-
I'm like a walking time bomb studying this course.
So yeah, I have some serious doubts about really, really, setting this course of my life.
Hmm.
I suppose, it's perfectly natural to feel this way huh ?
I guess all I'm left with,
is to go with the flow.
I'm sure, He already has made the best plan for me.
InsyaAllah :)
Ya Allah, kepadaMu aku berserah. :)
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Loss of Fight
I trusted you enough to believe I wont ever feel this pain from an invisible wound.
I was foolish.
I was a fool.
I'm still a fool.
Because still, I think of giving you another chance to break my already broken heart.
I was foolish.
I was a fool.
I'm still a fool.
Because still, I think of giving you another chance to break my already broken heart.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Barely holding on to you.
My first thing to say would be about my results.
It could be worst. But I'm fairly pleased with it.
It's good enough to get lazy ass into the main camp. Where I'm sure will make CFS life seem so, sweet.
All in all,
Alhamdulillah.
And then, I turned nineteen two days ago.
It's.. I dont know.
There were moments on that day that I forget it's my birthday.
Seeing as, well. We dont put on a big celebration much, my family.
I love them for remembering. Well, those who remembered.
And I want to exert my gratitude to those who actually took the trouble of wishing.
I'm pretty sure it was FB's work.
But hell, sometimes it's just good to get a smiley face on your freaking wall.
I'm nineteen.
And in my family,
presents have long been erased as a tradition.
I try, really.
To get something for my sisters.
But..
Well.
Like it was Irra's that day, and I still couldnt find her perfect gift.
I vow that I'll find something she likes this year. May it be a belated gift.
I couldnt spend my birthday with that someone who by just glancing at him, makes my whole face lit up.
Disappointed ? Perhaps. But it's better this way. :)
It's sad that communication is getting scarce now.
But if we're strong enough, well, that's enough.
A piece. Of well, self-reassuring quotes mostly. But you can apply it to your life if you like.
See, if it is meant to be, it's meant to be.
I could be on the other side of the earth, but if we belong, we might just find ourselves together in another part of earth. :)
I am currently trying to make myself accept these whole letting go and just believe, and trust thing.
Because for sure, we plan, throughout planning, we might hurt, we might cry, we might laugh with freaking joy,
but only He knows the best thing for us.
I'll tell you this though, it sucks. Really does. But stay on the right path. Something good waits in the end.
I'll get difficult.
I'm sorry.
It's an instinct, to run from pain.
Thing is, it's impossible to run and not hurt you as well. And not be hurt too.
But you told me all those optimistic stuff I just wrote up there.
And I promise you,
As long as I can,
I hold on to those.
Oh dont get me wrong, I know, there's always a plan, already written for us :)
Love,
19 years and 2 days old person trying to sound wise.
It could be worst. But I'm fairly pleased with it.
It's good enough to get lazy ass into the main camp. Where I'm sure will make CFS life seem so, sweet.
All in all,
Alhamdulillah.
And then, I turned nineteen two days ago.
It's.. I dont know.
There were moments on that day that I forget it's my birthday.
Seeing as, well. We dont put on a big celebration much, my family.
I love them for remembering. Well, those who remembered.
And I want to exert my gratitude to those who actually took the trouble of wishing.
I'm pretty sure it was FB's work.
But hell, sometimes it's just good to get a smiley face on your freaking wall.
I'm nineteen.
And in my family,
presents have long been erased as a tradition.
I try, really.
To get something for my sisters.
But..
Well.
Like it was Irra's that day, and I still couldnt find her perfect gift.
I vow that I'll find something she likes this year. May it be a belated gift.
I couldnt spend my birthday with that someone who by just glancing at him, makes my whole face lit up.
Disappointed ? Perhaps. But it's better this way. :)
It's sad that communication is getting scarce now.
But if we're strong enough, well, that's enough.
A piece. Of well, self-reassuring quotes mostly. But you can apply it to your life if you like.
See, if it is meant to be, it's meant to be.
I could be on the other side of the earth, but if we belong, we might just find ourselves together in another part of earth. :)
I am currently trying to make myself accept these whole letting go and just believe, and trust thing.
Because for sure, we plan, throughout planning, we might hurt, we might cry, we might laugh with freaking joy,
but only He knows the best thing for us.
I'll tell you this though, it sucks. Really does. But stay on the right path. Something good waits in the end.
I'll get difficult.
I'm sorry.
It's an instinct, to run from pain.
Thing is, it's impossible to run and not hurt you as well. And not be hurt too.
But you told me all those optimistic stuff I just wrote up there.
And I promise you,
As long as I can,
I hold on to those.
Oh dont get me wrong, I know, there's always a plan, already written for us :)
Love,
19 years and 2 days old person trying to sound wise.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Holding Hands Will Fall
I honestly cannot believe, that this is my last week in CFS. - InsyaAllah.
Then it's 3 months of whoopeedoo, and,
DEGREE :OO
I still see myself as immature.
And I'm gonna run with the big boys now. Literally. O.O
Anywhooo,
I have 2 papers to go.
Intro to Legal System and Social Studies.
Im lost.
Really.
What's more,
I have a cold.
And if anyone who knows me,
Yeah,
A cold makes me crankier than ever. Yeah I'm cranky sometimes too.
Huh,
Calling self cranky makes me imagine myself as an old lady with a walking stick. *shivers*
Okeyy,
Well,
Pray for me ! :)
On Friday I'm off to AFamosa Resort with ma sugar daddy :*
But sadly.
Only me.
And sugar daddy.
What am i supposed to do with myself ?
Youre gonna hear a lot from me then.
Cheerios :)
Then it's 3 months of whoopeedoo, and,
DEGREE :OO
I still see myself as immature.
And I'm gonna run with the big boys now. Literally. O.O
Anywhooo,
I have 2 papers to go.
Intro to Legal System and Social Studies.
Im lost.
Really.
What's more,
I have a cold.
And if anyone who knows me,
Yeah,
A cold makes me crankier than ever. Yeah I'm cranky sometimes too.
Huh,
Calling self cranky makes me imagine myself as an old lady with a walking stick. *shivers*
Okeyy,
Well,
Pray for me ! :)
On Friday I'm off to AFamosa Resort with ma sugar daddy :*
But sadly.
Only me.
And sugar daddy.
What am i supposed to do with myself ?
Youre gonna hear a lot from me then.
Cheerios :)
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