Barely holding on to you.

My first thing to say would be about my results.
It could be worst. But I'm fairly pleased with it.
It's good enough to get lazy ass into the main camp. Where I'm sure will make CFS life seem so, sweet.
All in all,
Alhamdulillah.


And then, I turned nineteen two days ago.
It's.. I dont know.
There were moments on that day that I forget it's my birthday.
Seeing as, well. We dont put on a big celebration much, my family.
I love them for remembering. Well, those who remembered.
And I want to exert my gratitude to those who actually took the trouble of wishing.
I'm pretty sure it was FB's work.
But hell, sometimes it's just good to get a smiley face on your freaking wall.
I'm nineteen.
And in my family,
presents have long been erased as a tradition.
I try, really.
To get something for my sisters.
But..
Well.
Like it was Irra's that day, and I still couldnt find her perfect gift.
I vow that I'll find something she likes this year. May it be a belated gift.


I couldnt spend my birthday with that someone who by just glancing at him, makes my whole face lit up.
Disappointed ? Perhaps. But it's better this way. :)
It's sad that communication is getting scarce now.
But if we're strong enough, well, that's enough.


A piece. Of well, self-reassuring quotes mostly. But you can apply it to your life if you like.


See, if it is meant to be, it's meant to be.
I could be on the other side of the earth, but if we belong, we might just find ourselves together in another part of earth. :)
I am currently trying to make myself accept these whole letting go and just believe, and trust thing.


Because for sure, we plan, throughout planning, we might hurt, we might cry, we might laugh with freaking joy,
but only He knows the best thing for us.


I'll tell you this though, it sucks. Really does. But stay on the right path. Something good waits in the end.


I'll get difficult.
I'm sorry.
It's an instinct, to run from pain.
Thing is, it's impossible to run and not hurt you as well. And not be hurt too.
But you told me all those optimistic stuff I just wrote up there.
And I promise you,
As long as I can,
I hold on to those.
Oh dont get me wrong, I know, there's always a plan, already written for us :)


Love,
19 years and 2 days old person trying to sound wise.