Monday, April 7, 2014

To Goodbyes.

"I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life."

There are still so many many things I want to say to you. So many unsaid words, apologies, thank yous..
I don't regret knowing you.
I could never.
My heart hurts when I say I hate you.
And I'm walking with half of me gone.
But it's better gone. I understand that.
Relationships don't work that way. You know, the you hurt me, I hurt you back.
It's destructive. We're destructive.
But it's taken me this long to finally step away.
But I haven't let go of you. I should. But I couldn't. I wish it's easy, but it's not. I'm trying.
I've made you let go, that's progress..
A part of me hopes for you. But I hate hope. And you know that. So that hope will fade.
Thank you, for being the first person who could stand my irrational moments, my attitude, my imperfections.
Thank you, for being the first person who taught me how to love, how to trust.
But I'm sorry. I can't love. I can't trust. The fears are always stronger.
I'm sorry that I let you in.
I'm sorry that I let you think that you could save me.
I'm sorry for all the harsh words.
I wish you knew. When I broke your heart, I broke mine too.
I hope you know.
I really did love you. I don't deserve to. But I did.
I wish you the best. I know I'll hate it, being selfish, when I see you finally happy, but you deserve it.

Goodbye too, my everything.

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