what happened ?

I Broke Down Yesterday.
Sometimes My Strength Wavers.

That Feeling.

have you ever felt that feeling ? the one where just a few little things go wrong, you just couldnt understand how it upsets you so much. and you realized, it's an old wound, reopened, hurting again.

and you feel like, there's no chance of healing. you're broken.
if you're hurting this much, it cant possibly heal, right ?

you're tired of tears. they dont make the pain and sadness go away.
so you accept it.
the sadness is always in you.
the wound is always there.
you just have to walk on, strong.
the world doesnt know, nor do they understand.

fake a smile, love, they'll think you're okay. then they'll leave you alone.

isnt that what you want ?

.

Ana Taa'bi

i feel like cursing. should i ? could i ?
i'm about to say a very bad word,
to blow of steam, to lighten the tension.
pardon my french really, this is not for the eyes for little kids who think silly is a bad word.
i'm gonna say it.
it's coming out, no stopping now.
i've warned youuuu....
....
........

!!!!!

GUTS

gutsgutsgutsgutsgutsguts

GUTSSS !!

okeh, i've let it out. i'm sorry, i'm just so stressed, i dont usually use such vile language.


inspired by ; ramona and beezus :)

The World Aint Round

so i was thinking of talking about my BTQ paper which i just sat for at 9am just now.
but then, it's the past, so why look back ? ;)
let's talk futuristic linguistic automatic estatic and yada yada laticcc :p
tomorrow's Arab. dont get me wrong, yeah it's freaking fun to learn someone else's language.
and actually as a Muslim, i should get a kick out of learning it *so people here says - wadda ?

of course they're all, it's a good language, we should learn it and all. i wonder when they were just beginners like me, do they get stressed out and irked when people use all those positive mojo on you to keep you in the game.
i mean, give a girl a break.
you practically forced this  upon her, and expect her to excel in it. i knoww that we're supposed to accept.
but for someone who's always been the one to accept whatever shit that has been thrown at me,
dont you think that at one time, i might just throw everything back ?

Envying other peoples' lives.
envy ?
to hell with this.

I think she's a capital B with an itch ;)

argh.
i sound so petty and annoying when i'm jealous. and, i never used to feel this.
jealous ? danggg, what happened to me ? -__-
i was the person who couldnt care less if he has anything to do with any other girl.
i was the who had always felt safe and secure and confident.
now i'm turning into someone who i used to think silly.
Silly Girl, why are you jealous ?
uhh, because i know,
that i'm not pretty enough for anyone to glance a second time. *just a phrase, not that i want to, i get so self-conscious.
i know that i'm not smart, nor witty nor interesting enough for you to effortlessly keep your attention to me.
i know that i can really get on your nerves with my temper and my sudden hyperness.
i know that,
i'm pretty much a person who should not have ended up with you - what with the tons more girls better than me.

so i get jealous.

Jealous.

because,

I'm So Scared Of Losing You

The Crude Truth

so i used to have fridays as weekends, this should be normal for me, but noo. im so freaking psyched having friday off.
yeah you could say i miss my schooling schedule ;)


so it's Malaysia Day !
  you know, ive always like, have this thing against having two days for Malaysia, i mean like, pick one, people, and be happy with it. 
having 2 days ? 31st Aug and 16th Sept ? settle for the real one wouldya ?
but you cant rewrite history, it's done.
thus my disagreement with the fact why people are suddenly so intent with rewriting the history all of a sudden.
i mean like, seriously ? 
just don't freaking make the past an issue. can't you see what's in front of your eyes ? the present, the future ?
why look back ?

so.. sure, there are those people with their conspiracy theories and everything.
my problem would be, is that when one speaks their mind in this country,
there's a sudden uproar, and the person is a bad human.
but how is it. that those higher up people get to speak ?
what's their specialty ?
their power ? they can't turn people into stone can't they ? they're flesh and blood like everyone else right ?
sometimes i think those high and mighty adults' brains are worse than us who sometimes an be pretty immature.

why cant people just get along and sing happy songs together ?
because they think that the world evolves around them, and they seek power.

the simple, cruel reason.

 i know the answer, but it's so hard to grip. people can be as cruel as animals.

you know how there's to be only one stallion in a herd ? and if another wants to take over, they'd fight till one loses ?
if the former leader dies, the younger stallion gets the herd.
if the younger one dies, the older one gets to keep his mares, and the other herd as well.
and the mares, colts and fillies have no choice, but to follow.


humans arent so different than animals now, arent they ?

Can I Stop Caring ?

sometimes i want to just breakdown and curse at you and cry.
but i wont.
not because im immature.
it's because im afraid i wont stop crying.
and the hurt might just feel worse.
so i just,
pretend that everything's okay.

the little things you do to me.

So back up back up take another chance
Don’t you mess up mess up I don’t wanna lose you
Wake up wake up

This aint just a thing that you give up give up

Don’t you say that I’d be
Better off better off, sleepin by myself and wonderin
If im better off better off, without you boy

So don't just leave me hanging on

Watch Your Step.

why ifa why ?
cant you think twice before typing something on fb ?
cant you see that something in that sentence would just create more problems ?
and now, you're stuck in this situation. sucks, doesnt it ?

dear you,
i keep wondering how you bear with me. because it's oh-so-clear,
i dont deserve you. :(

case of too much ketupat.

ifa tak wish lagi kan ?
eh ke dah ? takpe lah pon. nk wish skali lagi :D

SELAMAT HARI RAYE !

Ampun maaf dipinta atas segale dose, slah silap ifa kat smue.

Halalkan makan minum ifa, perkataan ifa, klu ade trase hati, maafkn ifa.

mybe sgje,

terlalu ikutkn hati, jadi gitulahh.

Em, berseronoklah beraye, jgn lupe dunie lah ;)